my trOo selF

2006-12-14T23:43:00.000-11:00

The voices inside
hunt me in the night
those voices I hear
are causing my fear
The voices in my head
are driving me mad
and though I do what I can
I can't get rid of them

off to africa soon! (: yayeness! so psyched up baaaaaby. kinda scared abt what my parents will make me do, those who knw, yeaaaah. may come back looking... aiyiyi. ok k, shall 'enjoy myelf& not think so much'. wise words from anita (: okie dokie. i'm off to interact with animals (:

2006-12-11T12:31:00.000-11:00

wth. apptmnt tmr. so screwed. i'm so outta control. its not abt wt anymore, it hasnt been for quite a while. i just hate being so imperfect. i reaaally dislike flaws, they scare me. sick of it. living up to expectations. there is so much pressure to be something i feel i'll never be. without self control, i'm really nothing.

people please pray, for a miracle to happen tmr. or no africa. sigh :(

what lynn says really is true. we're worrying abt someth that for others wld be too good to be true. erggh. so much easier said than done, really. hate it hate it hate it. being forced to do sth i dun wanna do. just put a pump in, why dont they?

lets BECOME@VIVO ;D

2006-12-06T00:14:00.000-11:00

guess who's back, back again. nickaye's back, tell a friend. guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back.. teehee (: i'm blogging after a gazillion yrs!

so anw went for some buffet yesterday with nick, leo n my mum's cg. ordered ala carte though. they were like competing to see who cld eat more andddddd. NICK WON. he's one hella a lucky guy, super high metabolism. pfft :( went to catch deck the halls after tht where nick ate AGN! teeehee. some cliche ending xmas show where everyone is suppose to go awwwww n tear after watching. haha. was pretty ok la. the boobs on one of the mums is like kinda big, bet the other two were staring ;D teehee.

nothing much todd, same as everyday. program n stf. god, my life is borrrring. gettin to be a drag going to outram park everyday. hehehe. man, weighing's tmr! immasoscaredithinki'mgonnadie :/ gordo's right before me, hope he does good so DL's in a chrrrpy mood (: hurhur. better pray tonight!

girl, you're being missed more than you knw <3

2006-04-14T17:25:00.000-11:00

its been ages since i've blogged. not really in the blogging mood these days. hohums. been really irritated with a certain someone these couple of days.

dont act like your oh so innocent& whatever when you obviously are vying for the attention that you'll get when you get together, (even if it against your MORALS)(which you dont really have anyway). your really a freakin hypocrite. okay, this is damn childishm, but whatever.

2006-03-06T22:38:00.000-11:00

was just blog surfing, and its sad, how people can change so fast. it hasnt even been a year. ohwell, who am i to judge anyway.

been noticing and heard some stuff abt a particular person, i'm so glad to be the motivat. for once! :):) been feeling really down these few days, i really miss sec.two.

RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH. THERE'S SO MUCH I WANNA SAY. too long, and i'll be using codenames half the time. i miss you& those 'swim' times. WHY WHY WHY WHY.

2006-01-12T20:16:00.000-11:00

The voice inside my head
Tells me it's not bad.
It tells me to keep going,
It'll be worth it in the end.

If what I'm doing isn't wrong,
If my actions are so right.
Why is it I hate myself?
Why do I cry at night?

Keeping it a secret,
Hiding it so well.
Never speaking out,
Afraid to show and tell.

Climbing slowly out,
Only to fall back in.
No one really understands,
They don't know how hard it's been.

Little comments hurt so much,
They hurt more than you know.
You couldn't possibly understand,
I refuse to let it show.

I have a nasty secret,
I can't tell you what I do.
So I'll keep it a secret,
And someday I'll tell you.

SOMEONE SAVE ME.

2005-12-20T05:54:00.000-11:00

blogging from the us. keene, new hampshire :):) rocks here. freezing my butt off though. short post.

3 days till thanksgiving/ xmas dinner. cant wait! PAULPAULPAULPAUL (in case your wondering, thats the cute boy in my wallet) haha. and NATENATE (ask if you must) yaye :) missing you guys back at home tons though.

whoops. gotta go. baking angel cookies with cousins! HOHO.

2005-11-18T02:35:00.000-11:00

i'm a jealous girl. dont make me jealous. it gets on my nerves, urgh. okay, this is crazy. why am i jealous if i dont like you? i have no idea. great, now i'm talking to myself. -frowns.

2005-11-15T14:51:00.000-11:00

yesterday was FUN (: went to IKEA early and shopped arnd for some xmas stuff, followed by haigen daz where only one RICHKID ordered -stares at nick. thn headed to the club for FREEPOOL with the SMALL TABLE and we played some wierd game, photo hunt? and this reallyreally lame game. haha. tennis with clare, her serves are scary! :/ we saw this superduper cute boy in another court! his racket was like bigger thn him! (: the next roddick yes (:(: thn went to taka, surprisingly, her mum allowed. i must look like the good influence type. lol. shopped for awhile, and we saw this pig tissue holder where the tissue comes out from the pigs nose and like the box says, please clean your nose. i mean, like obviously... what else can you do with it right? haha. i think i'll go back and get tht for my granddad. thn met des jo and nick agn to watch just like heaven. so darn funny, el came in halfway, she almost got the job! but like you have to pay 200 bucks just for the shoot. madness. left the movie a lil earlier and ended up getting lost trying to find the thai embassy. ergh. ended up taking the mrt instead. soso crowded and someone was listening to the chicken little song. i'm addicted. did i mention yesterday was fun? lets do it agn (:

in love with a jerk
and somewhat best friends with a bitch (no, not you el. haha)
i must be crazy.

2005-11-03T23:22:00.000-11:00

i'm back and burnt as ever :D its so unfair. people get tanned and i get burned. erk. but aside frm the burning part, clubmed totally rocked :):) especially with el and kel. yepyep. i'm alr missing it. everyone overate. and i really mean overeat. like 349837 courses at every meal la! since it was like a buffet everyday. post pics soon, and el, yes, you can see HOTBOD! and his wierdwierd friend. el and i made up names for like everyone. bikinigirl/ porridgeskinny girl/ hotbod/ hotbodsfriend/ theplumpirritatingone etc. haha. anw, paul looks like a sausage and i wanna eat him. HAHAHA/ okay, totally random. whoops.

so todd's mels birthday but couldnt go out with her. reallyreally tired. went to the market with mum in the morning. watching the heads of chickens and ducks being cut off disgust me. and there was this lady who was like cutting some chicken i think, and the blood- covered ice went all over me. ewk. haha. tonights my bro's closefriends popiah party, though like only the adults are eating popiah. KFC for the rest. brothers bbq party for cousins/ other friends tomorrow. yaye :) i'm gonna cook the food, and nono, i wont burn anything. mhhm. i need to find some hamster for my bro, if anyone knows a place with cheap hamsters, pleaseplease tell me. i'm realllly broke.

whoops. phone call.

2005-10-25T19:55:00.000-11:00

finally finally finally :) the keyboards back! but only for today. my email inbox is flooded with tons and tons of junkmail frm some wacko -stares at brendan. lol. didnt go to school todd, i have some EYE INFECTION. so people, dont look me in the eye. ITS TRUE :D got an mc for todd and tmr. i know this sounds wierd, but i was kinda looking forward to sch tmr, last few days with dabiggroup. sigh. i'm gonna miss those spasms tons. writing their *sobsob goodbye cards later, trying to act emotional in them. haha.

yesterday there was no school. uber fun. went out at like seven to meet elise at eastcoast park. i've got this sudden madness over blading. anyways, halfway while blading, loads and loads of army guys started running and HOGGING the path. urgh. elise did a totally totally spastic thing which i do not want to remind myself of :) i dont think i've gone redder before. yeaa, so thank goodness we went early cos when we were abt to return the blades, swarms of commuinity whatever students came. haha. and we also saw ome ahbengs. ERRK. puhlease. disgusting. LIKE LEARN HOW TO SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH! haha. walked back home to freshen up thn kenny rogers for lunch. we were bloated okay. thn headed to parkway to see elc's SUPERSTAR with a 'd'. lol.

hers isnt as bright as mine! :) she like actually fell for it. i'm sucha good actress, arent i? say hello to nicole SONG. mine's sooo smart. -points at elise and laughs. too bad, he's so irritating. GRRR. shall not elaborate. then headed back to my house agn, and it started raining halfway. urghish weather. we watched SAW. interesting show really, but el and i were like so freaking scared (as usual!) and the thunder and lightning outside didnt help. it was seriously scary okay. like my brother started to get damn scared and cried. haha.

more updates later. ciao. the cabvle man is here.

2005-10-17T01:15:00.000-11:00

todays post exam activies were SUPEEER FUN. mhmm. some theft talk by police & i realized our sch has teachers with incredibly goood english. followed by some 4 hour sexuality talk. we have it like almost every year. the school must think we're really dense or whatever. urgh. and our class is filled with really, really, wierd people. not mentioning any names -stares at rebecca. lol.

home for lunch and met mel for blading and stf at eastcoast. catching up with her rocks tonns :) loveyababe. talked alot and i realized tht i'm actually pissed with someone whom i didnt think i was pissed with. okay, thats wierd :/ but she's seriously getting on my nerves more and more each day. URGHH. i wish i could just ARGGH. nevermind, i shall be nice and not comment on anything. whatanass.

fathers/ brothers/ mels bday coming up. and i'm quite broke. been going out quite abit. we;re going to cafeiguana for his birthday. yaye :) and on his actual bday, we're going to nick's house cos my parents have cg. so i shall go and accompany nick. he wants me to invite a friend. hmmmm. i wonder who HEE wants me to invite. three guesses. lol. -STARES AT TANIA :)

2005-10-12T15:09:00.000-11:00

feels like ages since i last blogged. as some of you know, my bro's grounded frm the comp and so the keyboards been taken out, and i dont know how to plug it in. and i cant be bothered to use the comp upstairs cos its real slow. so currently in the sch comp lab. suppose to be playing netball nw, but it was raining. arrgh, total bliss. but luckily we're playing later. perspireperspire :) lol.

so exams have ended. TOTAL FREEDOM! yaye :) but the exam period left me with a breakout. and this idiotic mozzie like bit my pimple on my cheek. it looks freaking retarded. erggh.

so after chi paper on tues, headed to suntec with tania. watched dark waters. suprisingly, the cinema was pretty empty but tht made it even scarier. and we saw the ad for the exorcism of whatever her name is.. ITS SO FREAKY! and its based on a real story. maybe i'll watch with elc whn the vcd comes out. MY SCARYSHOW ACCOMPANY-ER :) i cant wait to go to clubmed with kel and her. like two weeks to go i think. hohoho. but i bet we'll both gorge ourselves to death, i still rmb last time. OHOHCANTWAIT.

thn on tues night, mel sleptover after meeting with her FRIEND. yeaa. talked for quite a long time. went to play tennis at the club the next day, we played for like 15 min and got tired. thn we wenta eat at eagle's nest. mel's on a diet, cos she gained 1.5 during the exams snacking on chocs. so she's on a "DIET". whoops, was i suppose to say tht. her diet consists of ohsoo healthy things such as er, potato salad. then we walked arnd town for a while before going to the american embassy followed by tanglin mall. dropped her home. i soso miss her. we're really gonna catch up during the hols. prob hanging out with her later or something <3

ohoh. and i'm now my brothers 3RD tutor. for tenbucks per session. chinese. he has one teacher for reading and doing his school homework for him. another one for doing compres and stf, and now me, for spelling and cloze passage which i suck at too. and my mum wants me to look for some job, like helping out at the oldfolks home or whatever :)

and abt the previous post, people can like say whatever or think whatever they want. but i was pissed at tht point and apparently, i have feelings too unlike some idiots. so yeaah, if you wanna know, you can just ask me instead of like using all your brain power to come up with some theory. mhmm. and to those who know what i was talking about, the appointments have been better, still getting on my nerves sometimes though :) yeh.

freaking pissed

2005-09-01T20:31:00.000-11:00

i hate my life.
i dont care what anyone thinks.
especially tht bloody son of a b**** psychaetrist or whatever.
who are you to tell me what i can or cannot do.
you dont even know what i'm going through.
freaking asshole.
just go live your life and i'll live mine.
thanks to you i cant do what i love.
if i put everything back on, and your freaking theory is freaking wrong
i'll freaking kill you.
F YOU LAH.

2005-07-18T02:45:00.000-11:00

partnr and i :)
DA BIG GRP & EDNA MODE! :D:D

2005-07-08T15:37:00.000-11:00

at last my blog is functioning properly :) yaye. i'll get more links up later and someone's helping with the tagbrd. yupp. suann was too busy helping others with their skins so nvrmind.

school's passing really really quickly these two weeks. which i suppose is a good thing :) but tht means THE BIG EXAM is approaching soon :/ rahh. oh. my dear partnr charlotte fractured her hand and leg. haiyo, act action during pe lah! lol. but she doesnt have to do all the assignments since she cant write. lucky her. tskk. but whn her hand recovers, she'll prob be tied dwn with tests/ assignments. -points at marlot and laughs.

yesterday wenta watch fantastic 4! its damndamn nice. plus there's eye candy inside too! jessica alba is drop dead gorg :) HER BOD IS SOO HOT. and the fireguy is sooooooooo hot! ohman. valarie agrees with me. his body is like.. WOW. i was practically drooling.

okay. tuition tchers here nw. needta study for chem too. chem test on tues. maybe i'll follow amandal's method. SSPAMHCL, BBCnews@MadagascarZOOLIC, BoyfriendInAmerica.. oops. really need to go. out.

2005-06-09T16:09:00.000-11:00

BOOT CAMP SO TOTALLY ROCKED! :)

2005-06-02T22:01:00.000-11:00

shall blog abt yesterday. mel came over :) for a sleepover. we had to wait for my aunt and uncle to go home, and they went back like unusually late. hmms. finally we watched some show on mtv, dismissed or sth. the girls were damndamndamn bitchy. haha. and they were so freakin ego. thn we talked and talked till like super late. talked abt lotsa stf, sighs. i miss her tonns. wish she was in pl <3

so this morning went to eastcoast with her, the bicycle shop guy was laughing at my brilliant idea :/ hrmph. it was reallyreally empty, wierdly. thn we walked and walked AND WALKED and we got lost. haha. luckily we saw my grandfather, so he gave us a lift home. talked until she had to go. went to the amc, did weights, i realized tht i am super weak. i couldnt even lift the lightest weights without feeling tired. ohcrap. home. later going out with my family for dinner, then probably watching a movie/ bowling.

i've been thinking abt the mission trip. the more i think abt it, the more i think i made the wrong decision. hopefully, i didnt. i mean i've put in tonns of effort to get this far, and going for the mission trip cld mean tht i am jus going to throw all of tht away. but i suppose god will bless me for taking this step of faith, and i'm going there to spread his word, not to worry abt myself. okay, i think only tania knws wht i'm talking abt :) ask me if you wanna knw! :)

2005-05-29T22:39:00.000-11:00

watched madagascar and monster in law over the week. monster in law is really nice, j lo is sooo drop dead gorgeous :) but i mean since whn has she not been? madagascar is freakin funny. sat next to my cousin alex and there were a bunch of toddlers in front, all of them started dancing at the ' i like to move it, move it, you like to move it, move it' part. they were so cute! nw tht song is like stuck in my head. haha.

i went early on sunday, trying to be nice so i cld meet tania, but guess wht? tht girl was late. way to go :) nw i have HUUUUGE eyebags thanks to her :/ had cg at macs, gave some feedbck abt sermon n stf. sighh, i hope they really change sth. this series is like just not speakin to me at all. i'm driftin awy furthur thn i've evr been in a way i suppose. thn went to ing's hse to play pool. its her second hse and yet its sooo huge! there's like evn a waterfall la! tht rich thang :) played with desmond/ marcus agnst tania/ nic and jonathan, we won. yaye :) eastina, mel and joel were like stonin there the whole time. haha. thn went bck to church. sundaysch was extended till like 1.20 bcos they were gettin a lecture and frm wht i heard, it was bcos my brother was talking. hah. soo many parents were like complainin and stf, tania and i jus sat inside and watched the drama :) went to greatworld aftr tht, couldnt find my prince tennis racket. argh. i want the RED ONE :) went to the club and played tennis, the twins were there. they're frreakin gd, but reallyreally proud :/

todd. had trainin in the morning. wasnt really in the mood to play. was at first, but someone got me really pissed off. three guesses who? so irritating la! like all tht person wants is money, so obvious. keep askin me abt my private coachin. so wht if i dnt wna train under you? yr a lousy coach! argh. thn came home. picked tania and nic frm suntec. i was like waitin there and they were like alr in my fathers car. haha. thn we went to the clinic and tania and i got into some laughin fit whilst filling up the form :D went to take our jabs. three jabs in total. nic was like yawnin and whistlin in the room la whilst tania and i were scared to death. the jabs were not as bad as i had expectd them to be. or maybe i'm just strong :) thn my dad dropped me off at the club and tania and nic at ps. the wierd guy who doesnt lift any weights came agn todd. haha. melanie/ stef and i were laughin like mad la. home. suppose to be at desmonds bbq nw. but i'm really tired and i have no transport there and i'm broke. someone owes me $28 -looks arnd. mel may come ovr later to watch house of wax. cant wait. i <3 talkin to her and we need serious catching up. takecare all. out.

2005-05-24T00:57:00.000-11:00

su ann has not helped me with my layout yet, cos i got her to do my letter opener cover page which was more important. ohwell, whts another week right? :)

so on sunday night, elise came over. sleepover/ scary movie. we watched the grudge. we were like coverin our eyes n ears the whole time. okaay, at least i was. the kids eyes are soo freaky. ohoh, and so in this shw, everytime the phone rings, something bad will happen to someone in the movie. and whn it got to the scary part, my phone started ringin! it was sooo ultra freaky kay. both of us were like clingin to each other and runnin to pick up the phone. it was coco, wantin to speak to elise :) wahhlao. thn aftr the movie, we wenta sleep, couldnt really sleep.. cos i kept thinkin abt those EYES :/ thn we woke up at like 7? so early. to go cycling at east coast. sent her home thn rushed home.

mel came over thn we headed to the club to play tennis in the ohsohot sun. we were sweatin like mad la! thn we had a biiiiggg lunch. the stupid buffet was so tempting :) thn we walked to lido where we couldnt watch anything cos everything was nc16 and blah. far east next. filled with ahlians wearing vondutch skirts and boots. HUHHLOW? its like s'pore for goodness sake, its soo freakin hot and yr wearing boots. haha. we actually planned to walk to borders but decided not to. we were dead tired. took a cab home n the taxi driver was sooo blur! laughed like mad la.

todd had this i& e workshop in school. it passed really quickly. we got like 1 and a half hour break time. it was quite interestin i guess. my parnrs were amandal and yunzhen. yunzhen stoning dwn there like noones business. and amandal was like soo cheapskate as usual. like whn we wanted to set up retail shops n stff, she was like putting the lowest quality and makin the shops super small to 'save' money. haiyoo :)

okay. needta go nw. my mum came back frm bangkok and she bought me some stf. yaye :) i <3 her. mmkay. OUT.

2005-05-19T20:55:00.000-11:00

yesterday trainin stopped halfway agn, due to the rain. arggh. it rains EVERY tuesday and thurs whenever i have tennis trainin. ohwells, hopefully it wont next wk! right after tennis, went to e club to change and bath, it must have been e shortest bath i have ever taken. thn went to lido for the STAR WARS SCREENING! :):):) omg. it was quite packed, filled with my fathers clients and stuff. but it totally rocked! was damn nice YODA IS SOOO CUTE! and so is hayden but i dont like him nw. haha. OMG. DID I SAY YODA WAS SO CUTE? :)

woke up early todd, thn went to meet yen at macs. thn met others at e starting point of e walk a jog. ran for e first part, thn walked like damndamn slowly for the rest. amandal kept singing stupid songs like old mcdonald and if i were a fishermans SON. the sec ones infrnt thought she was crazy la! but thn agn, who doesnt? thn we had to wait in the sun for like 2 hrs, for the prize giving ceremony! wahlao.

went to tamp mall with clique. for suanns bday celebration. sofun. walked arnd and arnd. thn we went to pizza hut. amandal was dammmn embarrasing there! she was like ' do we get a free flow of soup?' the man thought she was CRAZY! lol. but overall, it was fun. took a cab back and napped for a while.

2005-05-15T23:27:00.001-11:00

okay. AT LAST my blog is functioning agn. haha. this is jus a temporary blogskin. cos suann is helpin me with a skin durin e weekend. yaye :) i've done up some of e links, more whn e blogskin is done. i'll get a tagboard too. yupp.

so anw, todd was a rainy day agn. well, it was like on and off. couldnt play anything durin pe, had to do shootin. so boring. and i couldnt bcos.. er, -looks at renee.. i hadnt done wht i was suppose to do. haha. i got like 69.7 for geog! ARGH. i'm gna beg ms tng to give me 0.3 more marks for an a2. came home and took a nap for a while. sch is SOO exhausting nowadays, or is it jus me?

ohyeh, i'm going to china for e mission trip. no myanmar. cos of e recent bombings and stff. quite sad cos i wont be able to spend time with my cousins comin frm e us. bad timing. mission trip- 14th to 21st and cousins are coming from the 13th to the 23rd. my family is going to clubmed while i'm on e mission trip. sigh. nvm, serving god is better anws :)

i just realized tht life is a really fragile thing. its like you wnt realize hw much you love e person till yr going to lose him/ her. its so sad. i take many people for granted and stf, whn instead i shld be sooo thankful for them. and i was reading sth the other day too, abt how we shld be blessings to others and everything. have i been a blessing, a bridge, a catalyst? have i portrayed christian qualities? have i spread the gospel through my actions? i realized, sadly no. all this time, i've been lookin at people, judging them, questionin their intentions of comin to church. but who am i to judge? its jus soo sad whn you think abt it. all the people who wont end up in heaven. i hope the mission trip will help. sigh.

suann- cheer up kae? YOU DONT HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROB :) truthfully. and everyone has mood swings, so its normal. jus ignore what SOME people say la. dont get soo upset ovr one persons opinion. ilu, and so does everyone else :)

tania-i'll be keeping you and yr family in my prayers. cheer up kay. you takecare. love <3

2005-05-15T23:27:00.000-11:00

2005-05-06T13:42:00.000-11:00

blogging once agn. i havent added the links and stf yet, but im like partly done with it. WAIT. anw, ytd there wasnt any sch. really needed tht, just to relax n stf. school's been so stressful lately. with all the common tests and little arguments here and there.

so ytd morning went to get my hp frm tania's house, we spent like 1 hr in the car or sth? cos my mum took a wrong turn somewhere. lol. thn went to parkway to get some stuff for mothers day. tuition next. poooor crystal had a flu, kept coughing and sneezing. mel found some p6 guy cute, ohman. LOOK FOR SOMEONE YR AGE, MEL! she kept staring outside. thn went to dez's house to play tennis w her and stf. she told me somethng, and i totallly agree with her! its like.. ARGHH. okay, forget it.

todd. tuition soon. thn going for tennis. its suppose to be grp sessions todd, but everyone else cant make it, so i'll be left alone with the coach. i'm gonna die :) thn later hopefully i can go out with tania before service. at last, i dont have some last minute thing on. i'm praying someone will come to service later, dez prayed too.. and it was answered in a way i suppose.

argh. i dont see wht yr prob is? whts the point of calling us, acting all srry whn yr not, and acting sooo nice whn you see us? whn yr talking behind our backs, its obvious tht if it came to a point whn you had to choose between us and a guy, you'd obviously choose a guy. im so sick of standing up for you, whn people ask abt the rumours gg arnd. you dont deserve whts been given to you. hypocrite. and dont ask if im angry with you, cos the answer is obvious. just leave us alone, go join the guys, thts wht you looovee anw.

2005-04-23T22:34:00.000-11:00

omg. i just realized tht i have not blogged in ages! oopsies. been really busy with tennis & schwork. tests nonstp. in case anyones wondering, we didnt get into the next round for tennis, ahwells. we still have next yr. GO JUNIORS :) we can& will win kay.

friday was an okay-ish day. clique problems in school etc. after sch, wenta meet mel at tk for lunch. saw elc for a few min, she pointed out her be<3d to me. EEWRK! no comment :D i saw lorraine for the first time, after hearing tons of stuff abt her. she's differnt frm wht i thought ( in a gd way! ) thn we went fer lp. crystal is one styleguru. i just love the way she dresses!

sat. tuition in the morning. coco was like talking rubbish agn. she was lookin thru tania's females mag and commenting tht she wanted to have white teeth (: lame. thn wenta the amclub for training. met clare for a while to watch the doubles championships but we ended up talking. cant wait to play tennis w her next wk. i'm deprived. thn met tania and we went to buy apples, which i wanted for dinn. but thn we met up with kari and mel and they tempted me, so i ended up buying some chicken thing. argh. so much for my self control (: church. was not really in the mood. i still am on a spiritual dryness. sighs. home.

todd. combined cg with ara's in the morning. i think tht our cell group is like real divided. unity people :D talked in church as usual till adults service ended. lunched with fam. tuition. home. waitin for my dad to come back nw, so we can go to some hotel, for some tennis coach tryout thing. i hope he's good. im soo sick of tht other tennis coach. argh. stupidbaboon :/

ohyeh, i'll try to put up the links another time. needta go get ready nw (: and the tagboard too. yes. cya people.

2005-04-10T23:22:00.000-11:00

new layout. its nice yeh? :D i bet almost everyone thinks my blog is dead and stuff. haha. ohwells :/ havent been updating cos of tennis comp, tests and stuff. i've only set up some links so far cos i dont have time. but i will do up the rest. EVENTUALLY :)

ohyes, PLMGS beat SASS but we still have one more point to win! YENLIN. so happy (: match against chijtp this wed. so freakin scared :/ i hope we can get at least 2 points or sth. dont wanna be malu-d agn. haha.

changed place. so nw im sittin nxt to CHARLOTTE. poor dory, nw she cant eat/sms in class, and her legs red alr :D charlotte ahh, forever smsing her darrling. but at least she covers for me :) LOL.

2005-04-08T15:50:00.000-11:00

i cant wait to move there.
life here sucks.
luckily, its only 2 months away.

2005-03-23T14:21:00.000-11:00

currently in the computer lab suppose to be looking fer some acting tips thingy. cant be bothered to. looking at people's blogs and i came across this persons blog, and i got really really really irritated.

she's sucha big fat FAKE. like please la, since when did YOU become soo girly? i knew you would in the end, just to fit in with us. suddenly it seems like yr taking my place in a way, whatever. if it werent for me, she'd still be pissed with you.

argh! just get away FAKER! :(

2005-02-26T21:12:00.001-11:00

blogging on sunday again. frm nw on, i shall make sunday my official blogging day (:

yesterday was the WEDDING. so happy all e hard word & practice paid off. in the morn, woke up super early to go usher people into e church. was very scared for reading, practically shaking. sang, sang, sang. tea ceremony. wedding dinner was great great great. ate like sooo damn much. there were 10 courses? and my whole table was "full" so i ended up eating a lot.

while we were ushering, there was this idiotic guy who scolded me for no reason, asking why e guest could not enter? ookay, whatever. thn did mc-ing, soo happy tht it went alright, and everyone understood me.. i hope. it was super freaky though. 600 people.

eckk. thn after dinner and everything, there was night dancing and stff. so fun! alot alot alot of people got drunk, pretty funny to watch them. gaying arnd and everything. when the slow dance came on, all e couples were called out. poor me :( decided to dance with some cousin (:

today was really fun. went to church late. met up with tania and amanda. went to fareast/ taka/ wisma? for shopping. tania thinks tht u have to pay to try on clothes. hahaha. all three of us bought the same skirts! yaye (:

lots of gossip. i cant believe what amelia told tania. soo disgusting. i really pity e 3rd person in the family. sighs. just pray i guess. on the way to e mrt, we were having a laughing fit. amanda pointed out this girl who uhh, was revealing a bit too much without noticing. then we donated ( or rather tania ) to this charity thingy. it was damn funny la, the name i guess.

2005-02-19T22:59:00.000-11:00

i realize tht i always blog on sundays.. even though its one of e most busy days (: end of e week i guess.

yesterday was a superdupermuper busy day. went swimming right after breakfast. felt so refreshed just to be by myself, with no one around, so i cld think abt some stuff. tuition. coco and i ended up talking abt some secret service thing :D then dez came ovr. she's sucha klutz! kept laughing& shaking and spilling spag :D went to mand gdns with her to play tennis.

then met cousins at che dens house to practise e singing thingy fer her wedding. i was asked to be e mc. the chinese mc for the dinner part. they must really have been desperate! hurh ((: rushed back home for open house. had to miss youth. ahhwells :( the guys played playstation as usual. kel, elc, amanda came. was super awkward at first, then went to e gdn and we got high. laughing like mad :D amanda went to meet natalie. and we went into her house and saw !!!!!!! kel and elc said i was grinning like mad, but i was grinning at ummmms, the dog.. its SO cute oky! -nods head. everyone left except fer elc but i was mean so iwent to sleep and left her to play bishibashi. sorry babe (X

today wenta church early agn to meet tania. it got crowded early so we couldnt talk as much. had cg. and it was so malu! east, tania and i started laughing bcos someone was suppperr tone deaf. lol. TANIA SOO HAS asthma btw. i feel so bad. i bet he wont ever come back to our cg. hurhs. today she* was okay i guess.. not really insulting us.. but when we got to e end of e day, she started agn, saying my hair was not nice and blahblah. i was like whatever. i just hope we get out of this phase soon /= so sisters 6 will be united agn. i <33 amanda's ballet shoes, its so cool!

2005-02-12T21:44:00.000-11:00

not a very gd wkend. yesterday, i just felt super dry during worship. my mind was drifting off many times. couldnt concentrate at all. i feel like how i felt when i had first entered youth. lost. i just pray tht god will fill my heart once again. reading amanda's blog, i guess she feels e same way yeahs? i'll keep you in my prayers!

today. met tania at 7.30 in church. she was late. for once, i was early! :D went on to make our vday presents and everything but decided to meet on another day to do it. no time anws. had a vday *party* combined with jonchoy's cell. isaac is soo cute! (: lol. someone was& looked pissed. went to play lan, but was closed. tania and i were pretty pissed w someone todd. she has no right to insult us. yeahyeah, she's soo perfect. no eyebags, no nothing. whatever :D dont get jealous ovr nth lah? cant u take a hint? we've tried to be nice, but today was just too much.

now. father's office friends ovr fer a party. bahh. this is getting to be torture. better go dwn soon!

tania- please dont do anything stupid alright? yr perfect e way u are. dont go do tht*, its just ruining ur life! and its against gods will. chill abt her* yeahs?

2005-02-10T21:16:00.000-11:00

okay, i guess i have been too obsessed over certain things recently. i shall try to stop! i guess i was having PMS? just like suann.

anws, thanks you guys for encouraging me & everything! love you loads! (:

school todd. we have a new eng tcher! ms lim or something? she' damndamndamn pretty (regardless of whatever doralynn says) (: omg. she's eurasion too btw. i wanna look like her whn i grow up! heh (:

art. was superduper relieved cos mrs ong extended e duedate. luckily. was pretty fun though. we're making a calender and other stff fer our project. yaye! :) its so coool :D

science. crap. `failed' my science paper.. whooping 10/20.. thts not really fail right? its just borderline. still, ms sam asked for my parents numbers. shit. im grounded :((( dor & eliz are stone hearted :D dor and i are psychics btw! we could forsee tht ms sam was gng to choose us to teach e class (:

tania came ovr for a while. preferred to go with NICHOLAS instead of swimming w me! tsktsk.

trying to persuade my mum into letting me go fer dance prac instead of meeting her godmother and eating myself to death. (:

my love fer you will never end ;

2005-02-03T21:42:00.000-11:00

they just dont understand. saying i'll die if i continue this way. questioning my every move. its my decision, my life. you ask why i am becoming this way? cos of you. always comparing me with her. yeah, i knw its childish and evrything.. but how do u think i felt always being compared to someone younger? someone smarter, prettier and THINNER. previously, ur always the ones who are telling me to stp stuffing myself. so i stopped. and now, you cant face the fact tht i've stopped.

why cant anyone be supportive? friends question me when i go out with them. asking me whts happening to me. family members scold me for being sucha pain. since im being sucha problem, why not i just die? fine, whatever. i dont give a damn wht you think. if im suffering frm a disorder, thts my problem, not yrs.

SIGH.

2005-01-13T22:25:00.000-11:00

schools alright
same as always
B O R I N G
my geog teacher makes lame jokes
which only she understands
my chinese teacher talks so fast
i cant understand a single thing she says
my math tcher
NO COMMENT (:
my science tchers
ERRM.

today;
doralynn was super pissed w/ some people
fer using e netball or sth ..
lols
it was pretty funny watching her (sorry dory! )
played this game
where we have to list bands/ singers
dory& i are hopeless!
eliz& dionne were like really gd?
hurhurhs
took a taxi ta church with tania
dropped her off
then suddenly e taxi driver got on e phone
and he was laughing like mad?
so wierd!
and his laugh aint normal
its like ..
hahaHAHA* makes whistling noise*
LMAO
getting ready fer pot luck dinner
with performing arts people
yaye!
cant wait/

2005-01-04T01:47:00.000-11:00

back to school ))):
actually e new school
isnt tht bad la
except fer e SMALL toilets! (((:
nowhere ta talk!
but our class is super secluded
so we can make as much noise as we want! ((:
lols
not in e sch mode at all!
barely awake during lessons!((:
but e seating arrangement rawks! ((:
sitting next ta dory!
infront:dionne&eliz
few seats away: suann, val, renee
poor renee, she's stuck with grace! (((:
behind: amandal! (((:
uhohs! stuck with two 'singers'
lols.
its only e 2nd day of sch
and im startng ta get paranoid ovr lil things
like whether SHE hates me
gosh, i shant care!
YESTERDAY.
tour of e school
eckk
tania came over
watched white chicks!
laughed like maddd! ((((:
talked, talked, talked
ate dinner here
sent her home
its ulti. funn with her! ((((((:
LOVEYAGIRL! ((:

2005-01-02T01:27:00.000-11:00

hey!
im back
FINALLY
cant believe e holidays passed so fast!
it was great though! ((:
went to e us first
was great to see all my cousins and stff
then to amsterdam
was pretty scary there
lols
then CHURCH CAMP! ((((:
it rawked!
lastly, new zealand with elise
that was great too!
was so happy ta finally be able to laze at home!
lols
cant believe school is tmr!
im not in e school mode yet! ((((:
but cant wait to see friends!
hahaha
love loads
xoxo

2004-11-06T19:51:00.000-11:00

CRAP.
i lost ALL my links
dltd them by accident!
lost all my testis too!
according to the GREAT tania
-ahemmm
there'll come back soon(:
HOPEFULLY.

YESTERDAY
went to j8
to watch princess diaries
AGAIN
just as enjoyable though
FARNIE (:
with desmond,karina,melinda,sara,nicholas,marcus,berry and joel?
it was like two different cliques!
we didnt even walk together (:
tania is a pigg!
ate somuch cheese fries (:
we were passing cheeese fries back and forth!
but i had to RESIST.
yeahright. (:
desmond and nich kept kicking
IRRITANTS! (:
headed to karina's house
for bbq/dinner.
HER MUM COOKS GOOD! (:
headed back to church
sara has a NICENICE jacket! (:
she didnt wanna sell it to me though
HFFFT X(
talked for a while after church
COMEON was so FUNNY (:
HOME

2004-10-31T21:29:00.001-11:00

feeling so jealous nw
argh
i seemta be jealous
about everyone
life is unfair
crap.
TAUFIK rawks!
-drools.

2004-10-31T21:29:00.000-11:00

feeling so jealous nw
argh
i seemta be jealous
about everyone
life is unfair
crap.
TAUFIK rawks!
-drools.

2004-10-29T02:22:00.000-11:00

i feeel bad
seriously
i've been so rude
all this while
always shunning them away
and yet all this while
they've been helping me
if it werent for them
and god , obviously
i'd be stuck in sec.1
sighh

2004-10-28T01:15:00.001-11:00

my links and tgbrd still doesnt work!
hffffft.
getting irritating!
today.
photo taking and stff
veryy fun
i do not look good in photos
seriously
erkk
dionne got to take with her special
woahh
shld have seen her
she was smiling like crazy (((:
suann wanted to buy the pic
for $2 from diane
look whose obsessed nw?
looks like i am the odd one out
since i am the only straight one nw
other than renee
STRAIGHT.
no matter wht you have ta say
hurhhs (:

tania wants to join the dance thingy
she wanns me to go with her
jo's doing auds
so it'll prob be easy
suppose ta be at prayer meeting with tania nw
feel so bad
not going
thn she'll havta talk to her dear
((:

was pretty pissed w/ someone today
okay, its pretty much been everyday
so irritating!
following us everywhere
just bcos we like your friend
doesnt mean we like you!
hurhh
im so mean , arent i?
but i cant hold anymore
she's SONOT cute pls
-BOO.

2004-10-28T01:15:00.000-11:00

2004-10-24T17:30:00.000-11:00

changed my layout
there's something wrong
with the links and tagboard
yupp

anws
friday-sunday
PERFORMINGARTSCAMP! (:
it basically rawked!
friday was funn
but sat-sunday was fun-ner
woke up with legs aching
from tht techno tamborine dance
there was this girl who came
she looked exacly like ingrid!
to teach us some dance
youth service
he came
the sermon was like speaking to me
i hope it was to him too
on forgiving and lying
stayed up late
till 2? to learn dances.
stayed until 6 playing card games
woke up at like 6.15?
went to macs
cell grp in the kitchen?
wnt back up to play cards
saw him
he gave me some dao-ish look
whatever
i dont actually care anymore
if he doesnt even wna be friends
it doesnt matter
cos i have forgiven
and its his decision nw
(:
lunch
was in a bad mood
home
slept from 2- 7?
thn got lectured by my parents
agn
talked to tania on the phone till she wenta sleep
stupid girl.
obsessing ovr whether to say hi to him or not
hahaha

now
feeling depressed
fer no reason
probably cos of him?
i dnt understand
whats wrong with being friends?
its not as if i wnn anythng more?
sighh

2004-10-14T19:21:00.000-11:00

yeah
i was right.
i knew it was coming.
i could sense.
i wish i knew earlier though.
sighhh.
will just forgive and forget i guess.
prayed fer that at the prayer meeting last night'
it seems to be the hardest thing to do right now
but i still dont understand
why'd u lie?
saying that you'd wait?
when i said i wasnt ready
why did u have to go argue and argue
and now cause me this much hurt.
sigh.

2004-10-07T21:58:00.000-11:00

crap
i should be studying now!
-slaps
whats wrong with me?
i cant bring myeself ta study.
whts with that? *bleah

i dont know whats up with me these days

sufferringg from a period of internal suffering

sighh*

its as if i dont know anything

about elise and melissa

elise has become somewht of a lesbian

with her ever-so-bitchy friends

sigghh

but i cant just judge like that

and melissa

whenever im free,she's busy

and its the other way round tooo

i guess we'll hafta do alot of catching up during the hols

i wish all 3 of us were in the samee sch.

and i hate being a second fiddle

someone u just relied apon to like u back?

did u think that i had liked u all along?

well,i hadnt.

just becauase she said she didnt like you

u just concluded that i wld be there fer you agn?

im so sick of youu.

no wonder everyone said tht i had bad taste

pwffft

i thought u were different

but i guess ur just another one of those types

stp saying things whn u dnt mean it.

why not u just go find someone else?

cos i hate you.

sighhh

i always fall fer the wrong people dnt i?

first,it was aaronTOAD aka-wierdo

NEXT,it was that proud ass.

thn its this idiotic freak.

sigh.

fallling fer girls seems to be a gd idea right nw.

2004-10-07T16:55:00.001-11:00

at last i can addddd posts! *Wheeee!

2004-09-18T23:33:00.000-11:00

oh my god.i realized i havent been blogging fer the longest time.MAN.i missed my blogg!hahahaha.cause my damn computer wasnt working.yupp.okay.shall blog about today and yesterday.

yesterday had guitar in the morning.yupp.wasnt in the best mood cause of some crap thing that happened at home.hoped that friends there would cheer me up.guess SOME of them did.but the atmosphere was real cold cause of someone.yuppp.i know its like alllll my fault la.and i have already apologised havent i?so like why cant we go back to normal?there's nth else i can do?wht do u want me to do thn?PLEAD?erghh.oky,i shall stp it.before another fight occurs.yupp(:
met tania in church.daddy dropped both of us at heartland.yupp.met christine there.tania was wearing a SKIRTTT.real unusual fer her.she kept tugging at her skirt.hahahhaha.but u looked nice.and her outfit costs a ton!its like altogether $300 or sth?OMG.RICHIEEPANTS(:ate at BK.saw some people from sch and glenn and rach(I think) from church.after that we went to take neos!YAY.they turned out real nice.uhhuhs.then rushed back fer tania's ushering.she was soo HYPER ABOUT IT.hahahah.waited with christine till her friends came.nice me eh?thn was REAL LATER fer service.was talking to chris practically the whole time during the sermon.felt pretty guilty aftertht.malcolm didnt come.he had a fever.yeahh.thn after tht stayed arnd to talk w/ people fer a while.thn headed home!talked to dearie fer a while.so sweeeeet.murhurrs.

today went to chrch early in the morning.had cg.evry one was later as usual!hahahaha.except fer me and east,the wholecell was late.EARLYBIRDS.uhhuh.went acrss to eat nasi lemak.then studied in church until real late.to mugMUGMUGmug with tania and sara.had alot of distractions,ya?(:like the CUTIEEE.hahahaha.oky,shall stp crapping.

real confused lately.shld is say yes?AHHHH-PULLSS HAIR-.amanda's promised to help me talk to my parents.doubt it'll work though..they'd be disturbing me nonstp.HMRPHH.YEP.shall end herree.currently at the amc clb.seee youall!

2004-08-25T21:02:00.000-11:00

woke up SUPPPER early today
at like 7.30?
-pats myself on the back.
that like a record for a non-sch day
amandal and yunzhen came overr
they were wearing like jeans and nice tees
i was like wearingg home clothes
felt so extra pls.hahaha.
then like we started on the wrk.
my comp couldnt get the chinese!
had to call my father hme to set it up
yeahh(:
so finally we startedd.
then we gave up cause we got bored
ate,ate and ate.
i tell you guys,amandal is one THIN PEEG.-___-
she eats ALOTTT.
and yunzhen ovr here.
is one slow poke.
its like after amandal and i have finished two servings
she;s halfway through her first one.HAHAHA.
and she;s wayyy cartoon!-rofl-
she like gives that dao face no matter what.
and i knw who she likes-lalala-
surprisingg!whats with SO mny ppl liking that girl?
kae-zips mouth-.i promised
then we ate popcorn
which is like the salty bagg put-in-the-oven type la
and they dipped it in maple syrupp.hahaha.
so amusingg!
amandal kept raiding my fridge fer things
she ate like one whole tub of icecream?
its unfair
she eats soo much and yet she's SOO ULTRA THIN.*bleah.
and she has a crush on ((())))
eeeeks.nerdddayee.haha.
they left my room in a mess.tskk.(:
(yesteday`
went to ren's house in the afternooon
her dog stalks me kaee!
but its sooo cute pls.
watched stff on kids central again.its sooo funnyy!
*iloveyu,yuloveme.barneygavemeHIV.it startedwithahuggbutbarneywantedmore.igotrapedbyadinosaur.
HAHAHAHA.
her sis was soo ultra scary.
i think like someone called fer me or sth
then her sis like ignored renee?
s c a r y.
went for tuition after tat
going out with mel on fridayy!
cant waitt.havent ebeen out with her fer like ages.
and everyone keeps asking me who the body in my display pic belongs to.
it belongs to amanda.
chioo ehh?hahaha.
you shld knw who u are+
srry fer calling you so late in the night ytd
woke you upp
reallly sryyy!(x
btw,u rock fer actually talking to me even though you were sleepy.hahaha.
-smiles-
(now*
going to some weird appointment
later going for dance rehearsals.
i am NOT looking forward to it
yeah(:
u knw what?i actually dread going to church and seeing some people.
cause it totally ruins my mood=))
harsh,but true.
U SHLD KNW HU YOU ARE YEA?x(
-shrugs-
then after that sending aunt and uncle's fam off toscotland for a few weeks.
yeax))will miss them.
arghhh.
**** **,))))))),^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^ and &&&&&&& &&&&&& suckss.
BOOOOOO!-makes that thumb signn-.hate emmm.go and die pls.

2004-08-23T18:50:00.000-11:00

cyberweek
woke up this morning
especially early
found out that only yunzhen and i were awake
had to call amandal!
AMANDAL!
so much fer your 9'0clock sharp thingy eh?
then got really pissed with certain people
dont wanna cooperate
wth
have to keep calling and calling them
talking rubbish on the forum
totally outta point
i use to pity youu
but nw i knw why people dislike you
TSK
hahahaha
renee's in the same boat as me yea?=)
and i cant GO OUT today
stuck at home
so much fer cyberweek=freedom?
amandal and yunzhen have cheered me up somehow
with their crap convo
we havent finished the thingy yet
UHHOHS.
diee!!-makes a face-
anyways,im super hungry
OFFTOEAT
yummyumm.=))
shall attempt to put up links and evrything later.

2004-08-22T21:13:00.000-11:00

school as usual
nth much happened
had cyberweek briefing
cant wait
cyberweek=freedom yea?
it took up like 1/2 of the day
so in the end,we only had chinese cause alot of teachers didnt shw up

eliz.tan-
cheer uppp!
smilee!=))
u'll look much bettterr!
-hugss-

doryy-
get better soon!
dumdeeedummm.
i am yourr lifesaver kaee!
i called reneee
better thank me!
but in the mean time,get welll!

whats wrong with evryone?
why is evryone becoming un-straight?
arghhh!
i mean not that i can say that i am perfectly straight
but im trying,arent i?
murhurhur
even elisee!
"wonder what she thinks of me"
-shakes head
whats' becoming of this world?

2004-08-18T21:51:00.000-11:00

to her-
SORRRY.
IF you dont wanna acccept then so be it.
im sick and tired of this.
yehhh((X

i mean yeahh,i admit i was in the wrong fer reading the msgs and all.
but YOU havent heard MY side of the story
you are just jumping to conclusions!
and when i say sryy,u like just ignore it.
.what do u want me to do?
bow down on my knees and kiss your feeet?
and its like getting angry over such a small thingg?
maybe we did things that hurt you
but if YOU dont tell US.how are we going to apologise fer it?
and go by YOURSELF.
stop trying to bring others with you.
and abt the calling you a nerd and evrythingg-
we didnt knw you couldnt stand it.
how shld we knw right?
you like laugh when we do that what?
if it hurts you.u shld have told us right?
arghhhh.
ihatemylife!

went with suann to primary sch after math remedial.
I FELT TALL.
hehee.
then saw some ppl and all at the pri sch.
babeyy boy.suanns nick fer herrr
and when she walked passed her,they ignored each other
at last.
her* realized *she's PERSONALITY WAS NOTHING LIKE HER LOOKS!
mhhmmm.

2004-08-16T23:53:00.000-11:00

arggghhh.
today was NOT a gd day
we have to stay back on friday?
just because some idiot does not want to admit that she drew on a notebk
cowardd
but,tat means that i wont have to take my 5 items.
luckily
i would've failed my sbj
pleaseee.
just admit that u drew in ravyna's bk
its better nw then nxt time
when alot of ppl knw abt it

so like i couldnt stay back in sch fer tennis
cause my mama wanted me to go fer some psychotic thing
like they made me do all these wierdo things?
okayyyy.

heard that my uncle is going to pass away in 3 mnths
my gawddd=))
i seriously pity him and his family
esp his children
they are like my age?
will keep him in my prayers
-humdeedummmm

ohgod.this is dead.